About My Mother Helen L. Kazmarski I recently lost my mother at age 85 after so many levels of illness in her life: decades of chronic conditions and surgeries, the lung cancer ten years ago that weakened and eventually put her in personal care, the beginnings of dementia two years ago, the move to skilled nursing a year ago, the weight loss and greater need for care all leading to the last few months of decline. She was in the hospital with the last bout of congestive heart failure when she died. The night she died my brother and I went to her room at the nursing home to take the few possessions she had left there; I didn’t want to go back there if I didn’t need to, and I knew the next few days would be very busy. I was holding back sobs as we walked in, but words were forming in my head and when we entered I took a small scrap of paper and wrote a few of them down. That was enough to ease my heart for the moment, setting the intent, enough to get me through that and back home. After several phone calls, a visit from a friend and more calls, I had my time alone and was up quite late. As I sat in the quiet of the night outside watching the snow gently fill the air and fall in a soft blanket on the ground, the poem came to me in nearly one complete piece. I carefully went inside and tiptoed to my desk, wrote it down slowly, line for line, all as if I was afraid I’d scare it away, all the beautiful words I’d been thinking, or maybe I’d break it, like a bubble. I changed very little in a rewrite. I had decided I would go through with my poetry reading, just two days after my mother died, because it was an opportunity to share her with others, and to read the new poem, and that I would also read it at the little service we’d have for her at the funeral home. I could never encapsulate 85 years of a life into one blog post or one photo or one poem, so I won’t even try, but I want to share this. The photo above is the one we placed in our mother’s casket, her wedding photo from 1946 when she was 21 years old. The little scrap of red in the lower left corner is the shirt she wore, the one she loved best, and I knew she’d want to be remembered in it; our mother was one who could wear a red chiffon blouse in her casket and be proud. I’ve also written a post over on The Creative Cat about this process of loss. Without further ado, here is the poem. About My Mother Regardless of the many outstanding qualities any person may have we are essentially remembered for only one of them. In my mother, all would agree this one would be her remarkable beauty. All through her life the compliments trailed her as she carefully maintained “the look”, her look, so glamorous, from tailored suits to taffeta dresses to palazzo pants, hair perfectly styled, nails manicured and painted a collar set just so, cuffs casually turned back, hair worn long past the age of 50, a dark, even tan and shorts into her 80s, lipstick always perfectly applied, and even at 84 people marveled on her perfect skin, dark curly hair, and big bright smile. I see that smile when I see my sister smile, and I see my mother’s active, athletic bearing when I look at my brother, and her gray eyes are mine. In each of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren I see her round face, graceful hands, pert nose, proud upright posture and a million other of her features and habits and in all of us her wild curly hair is part of her legacy to us. When we look at each other from now on we will see the part of her she gave to each of us, this little cluster of people who came from her and who were her greatest treasure, and when she looks at us from wherever she is she will know that she cannot be forgotten. Share this:Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)Like this:Like Loading... Related Post navigation Water WarmerComing Snowstorm 0 Comments Bernadette: This is a beautiful tribute and it says, written from your heart. May you always remember this as you grow, this is your legacy to take forward. Many Blessings to you. Bernie Loading... Reply Bernie, I’m so glad you enjoyed my poem. It’s what I do with how I feel–I create things or I’d burst, and not many people understand that. I’m glad I could honor my mother in some creative way; 20 years ago when my father died I had no idea how to do that, and 20 years can really change a person. Loading... Reply So sorry to read of your mother’s passing. What a beautiful poem! Warmly, Joan Loading... Reply Thank you for reading, and thank you for visiting. I love being able to share who she was, and I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. Loading... Reply Bernardette, Please receive and feel a warm hug across many, many miles of geographical distance; I´m very sorry for your loss. With love, Marcela Loading... Reply Marcela, I feel your hug as if you are close. Thank you. Loading... Reply Bernadette: Thank you for the most beautiful poem. I feel your love for your mom. I feel your pain and may you always remember the wonderful times you had with her. I miss my Mom more and more as the months fly by. I am sending a big hug to you! xoxoxox Loading... Reply I was thinking about Grandma tonight and needed to write how much I will miss her. I love you Grandma. Loading... Reply Lindsey, how sweet. I think about her all the time, every day, and I feel she knows. I’m glad to know you are too, and now you know we are thinking about her together. Loading... Reply Leave a ReplyCancel reply This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.